Twisted Translations

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing please do not read this notice.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a hotel in Switzerland:
We hope you enjoy your stay and feel yourself like at home.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Sign in an Acapulco hotel:
The manger has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In an Austrian hotel catering for skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today: no ice cream

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialists in women and other diseases.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want to just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When a passenger of food heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching America.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

Click here to return to previous page.

This page is created, maintained and updated by me, and was last updated on 14th May 1999.
This page: http://www.fortunecity.com/bennyhills/morris/120/translate.htm
Main page: http://www.fortunecity.com/bennyhills/morris/120/